Those Advice given by My Father Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up between men, who continue to absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - going on a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."